Thank you?

I was explaining to 12yo Frances that, even though I’d once been in a cycling accident, I hadn’t ended up in hospital with broken bones.

She said, “See? You’re decently smart.”

Ok, but I…It’s just…I don’t know why she thought that might be an issue for me? 🤷‍♀️ 😂

#asd #zingedagain

Frances and school

I’ve heard other parents of children with ASD say the same thing: their child catches every cold going around. The same is true of Frances.

I grimace when she mentions that a student at school is sick because, invariably, I know that Frances will be sick very shortly thereafter.

So, last week, my dear 12yo started coughing, had a sore throat, and was quite warm to the touch. She ended up missing a couple of days of school.

This didn’t sit well with her Grade 7 teacher — at all. She let me know that her class moves quickly, and that Frances would have a hard time getting caught up, that she couldn’t stop or slow down for Frances, etc.

So, I asked if I could help with the writing classwork; the teacher didn’t give me an outline, so I couldn’t help.

I asked about math — apparently, Frances couldn’t move on because she hadn’t done the previous lesson correctly.

I’m sure you know me by now, and you will not be surprised to learn that I ORDERED the damn math textbook on Amazon, and it arrived the following morning.

Anyway, the lesson that Frances had done incorrectly? Well, it quickly was evident that she knew how to verify equations perfectly well.

So why the drama? It isn’t necessary to make a child think that she could fail her grade simply because she took two sick days.

I hope that this isn’t a sign of things to come. 🙄

The funniest part of all this is that, during my eagerness to ensure that Frances was up to speed, she said, “You seem like the kind of person who enjoys doing math…”

(She LOVES math, so it wasn’t an insult.)

I can assure you that nobody has ever said that about me before now… 😂

Interview with Frances, Aged 12 years, 5 months

Current job?
~Student. I’m 12
Dream job?
~Anything that makes me enough money to run a Friesian and Lippizaner care centre attached to a vet’s office where my friends can come and ride my horses for free. Not Mummy
Favorite food?
~Salad
Favorite type of cat?
~Calico
Favorite candy?
~Anything sour
Favourite ice cream?
~Mint chocolate chip
Your favourite colour(s)?
~Black, lime green, white, and gold
Favourite holiday?
~My birthday, duh
Night owl or Early Bird?
~Night owl
Favourite day?
~Holidays! Sunday
Tattoos?
~I’m 12
Like to cook?
~Yes, whatever doesn’t burn the house down
Can you drive a stick shift?
~I’ve been shown how to drive a tractor
Your vehicle colour?
~Black
Do you like vegetables?
~Yes, of course!
Do you wear glasses?
~Yes, I think that’s kind of obvious
Glasses you wear?
~Black Raybans. (Can I wear Gucci?)
Favourite Perfume?
~Chanel No. 5
Favorite season?
~Winter
Favourite music?
~Billie Eilish
Favourite kind of movie?
~Horror
Favourite show?
~Stranger Things
Favourite author?
~Stephen King
Favourite graphic novel?
~Smile by R. Telgemeier
Favourite activity?
~English and Western horseback riding
Pets?
~
Pink Cup Cat, Pink Cup Dog, Pink Cup Pony
Where do you want to live when you grow up?
~L.A.
Favourite restaurant?
~East Side Mario’s

#asd #aspergers #autism

Please, do not say that!

Every summer, we have the opportunity to have a support worker, through a local non-profit organization, take Frances out into the community for fun activities and maybe to socialize.

It is, of course, considered respite for the family, and we’ve never told Frances. I really do think of it as a great opportunity for her to do the things for which I seem to lack energy these days.

At any rate, Frances met her worker, Aida, today. All week, my 12-year-old daughter has been referring to her as “the woman you pay to take me off your hands for a few hours every week.” 🤦‍♀️

I’ve actually had to ask her to stop saying that in public! She is expressing her dry sense of humour by highlighting what she thinks is the bottom line that nobody talks about.

And all morning, I kept my fingers crossed that Frances wouldn’t say that to Aida during their outing.

(Mental note: Ask Frances not to say that to Aida.)

My apologies

I’ve attempted many blog posts, but something is happening: Frances is growing up and writing about her can be an invasion of privacy.

So, while I find the line between my story and her story, posting will be somewhat sporadic.

In the meantime, she’s still as funny as ever.

We had been watching a YouTube video in which a conversation regarding the limits of our knowledge had suddenly turned rather philosophical.

Frances: That guy confuses me

Me: It means we don’t know what we don’t know… Like, we don’t know that God doesn’t exist, right?

Her: Now you’ve got me thinking. Jesus…

😂

She did ask for it…

So, recently, Frances and her class went to an art gallery. Pictures of the field trip were promptly posted online, and one, in particular, caught my attention.

Among her classmates, Frances is sitting opposite the presenter or guide for the tour. Quite clearly, Frances is speaking, and the guide is listening.

Frances speaks her mind...
Only ask if you really want the truth…

Out of curiosity, I asked Frances if she could remember what she had been saying. I mean, the photo suggests that it is an interesting conversation, and I love that someone had captured the precise point at which she was speaking, too.

Frances: The lady said that she was used to dealing with much younger children, and that we should tell her if she speaks to us as if we’re kindergarteners.

Me: Yes…But you were speaking. What did you say?

Her: I said, ‘Um, just to let you know — you’re speaking to us as if we are kindergarteners.’

(Her honesty, though legendary, is spoken in neither malice nor rudeness; she simply took the guide’s instruction at face value.)

😂

On Valentine’s Day

I almost let a holiday go by without mentioning my inimitable 11-year-old’s reaction to it this year.

Frances: There’s too much “love” involved — and happiness. And pink. Blech.

This is a first. She used to enjoy Valentine’s Day (although it was probably access to the candy, now that I think about it).

I can’t wait to see what she says tomorrow… It’s my birthday. 😬

Disbelief

This past weekend at Grandma’s birthday party, Grandma and her sons were trying to find a vase for the flowers we’d bought her.

Frances, focussing on her iPad, muttered, “God, don’t these people have a sense of depth?”

I leaned over and said, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, can they not look at the flowers and look at a vase and predict with some accuracy that the flowers will fit or will not fit the vase?”

😂 Sometimes, I wonder how it is that I don’t choke because she says the funniest things when I happen to be eating.

Let me be clear: Frances is not being mean; she’s being honest — at a time when most people wouldn’t be — without a stitch of malice.

Hands down, it was the best comment of the evening — and, even though she definitely has to learn not to express these thoughts, her cleverness made me proud.

Yes, I do have to teach her that saying these things aloud isn’t okay, but convincing her lately has become so very difficult.

I have to do it for each instance, too, because she usually wouldn’t generalise.

“We have to keep that as an ‘inside thought’,” I usually say.

“Why? Why can’t I say this?”

“Because it hurts people’s feelings.”

“That’s silly. It’s just an observation…”

And so it goes. Lots of conversation about why we’re having the conversation. So, dear readers, this area of things doesn’t necessarily get easier, but it does become funnier! (At least in our case.)

Honesty

Me: How was your day?

Frances: Meh.

Me: Oh…that’s too bad. Now, you can ask me how my day was.

Frances: I’d rather not

😂

It’s a good thing that I was leaving the room at the time because this exchange made me giggle. Frances is all kinds of amazing!

As she grows, I believe that she will find friends who appreciate her honesty as much as we do.