Something to consider…

Frances has officially finished Grade 5. Her report card was excellent, and her teacher described her as “witty and sassy and delightful.”

Frances’s teacher and I actually discussed my child’s humour which she described as dry beyond her years. It often does catch me (and her teacher) off guard.

Take, for instance, the other evening. Frances and I were watching one of our favourite documentaries about a specific tornado — which she takes very seriously — when, during the segment of interviews with people who experienced the destructive event, her brows furrowed and she asked:

“Why do they keep putting ‘Survivor’ under their names? It’s not as if they could have used dead people…”

I’m so glad I wasn’t eating at that moment because I would have choked!

Anyway, she truly meant no disrespect — it was merely that the editing of the video had struck her as illogical and, therefore, funny.

And, well, I am still laughing…πŸ˜‚

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Growing up

I haven’t been posting much recently because I’ve been so busy attending to Pink Cup Sister’s needs, but also because it’s difficult to write about some things.

For example, Frances is acutely aware that her school mates are “growing up” and she thinks that she may be just as young socially as she was when she first started the school back in 2012 at age 5.

This isn’t accurate, but that’s how she feels. She actually has grown unbelievably, in leaps and bounds, from the little girl who never acknowledged people speaking to her and who never looked at anyone, into a young lady who is passionate about all things equestrian and very comfortable with the people whom she knows.

She is definitely older intellectually than her 11 years by quite a few years, and, yes, a little younger socially: she still wants to collect and to play (yay!) with horse dolls, while her school friends move into the more frequently seen middle-school behaviour of standing around while chatting on the school ground during recesses.

So, she’s gone from the little girl who didn’t want to/know how to play with other children to an older child who wants to play and usually has no opportunity to do so.

Recently, while at a horse show, we were surrounded by the people we know–her coach, the stable owner, other riders and parents–from the stable. Frances, though hoping for someone to play with, announced, “I don’t understand non-horse people,” and everyone said that he/she understood this very well. She then said, “I’m a ‘me’ person, not a ‘we’ person.”

But nobody agreed with her. I put my arms around her (because she sometimes allows me to do so), and I said, “I don’t know about that. These are your friends; these are your people.”

Maybe they don’t play anymore, but they all love horses and “the horse life”, too. We all share an understanding of what it’s like to muck around in dirt; we all know the physical labour involved in loving horses (some of us more than others). At that moment, the feeling of camaraderie was palpable in the spectator stands. I think she noticed as everyone was smiling.

As we fell asleep during our weekly sleepover, I confided: “Mummies and Daddies get a little sad when their children stop playing with toys. I hope you’ll play with toys for as long as you want to even if you only have yourself to play with.”

This seemed like a good idea to her, and we drifted off to sleep while the intense heat of the day eased off and a gentle breeze made us feel better about a lot of things.

LOLs

I’ve just come across some of my old notes of a conversation between my sister and Frances (who was 3 years old at the time) and I’m practically dying. πŸ˜‚

Pink Cup Aunt: How do you want your toast this morning?

Frances: In semicircles.

Pink Cup Aunt: I’m not sure I know how to do that.

Frances: It’s a HALF circle…

I love this vintage gem!

Um, no…But yes, absolutely

Frances: Sarcasm β€” isn’t that just lying? (Nov. 17/17)

People with ASD can experience difficulty with figurative language. What I have discovered is that “not understanding” can, in a sense, mean “just getting to the bottom line” of the matter with Frances.

Ordinarily, she has difficulty interpreting euphemisms, idioms, gestures, etc. Here, her struggle appears to concern purpose or utility: Why would one use sarcasm? Why does one, oftentimes, use sarcasm as humour? In other words, why is it considered to be funny?

It’s really amazing that, even though she struggles with non-literal language, she is very witty and understands figurative language when it is her own, when she, herself, produces it.

For example, when she was newly six years old and was feeling unwell, she once said:

I’m feeling as sick as a tornado can be loud…Is that a lot? (May 28, 2013)

Frances has always kept me on my feet — in more ways than one — and always at least one step away from knowing everything about her.

She’s absolutely fascinating — I am her mother, after all — and her ability to get straight to the heart of any matter is just one more thing that impresses me.

A for effort

Frances: I am an ARTISTE, not someone who is capable of “making friends”.

On why she shouldn’t have to go to her social group (which she did, in fact, attend — her cultural status and sensibilities notwithstanding.)

Nice try, tho’.

Happy New Year!

I haven’t written anything in this new year mostly because — at some point in 2017 — my life became insanely busy.

Pink Cup Sister, who has a learning disability and a social anxiety disorder, now has the symptoms of a severe tic disorder. This disorder includes vocal, phonic, and motor tics, the latter of which pose such safety hazards as uncontrollable self-injury and episodes occurring where falling is a possibility.

Unfortunately, I have uncovered a health concern of my own as well involving my vision/optic nerves.

Now, Frances and I have always had an amply full schedule of appointments that has kept me very busy; with the added appointments of Pink Cup Sister and of myself, well, let’s just say that appointments are now my full-time job.

But that’s okay — it means that things are getting taken care of, challenges are being identified and overcome, and matters are being addressed in general.

And, fortunately, amid all the worrying and the hurrying, there are some moments that catch you off guard, ones that leave you breathless and utterly aware of how much there is to appreciate.

Perhaps you won’t be surprised to learn that it is often my children who gift me with these moments; in the case of Frances, the gift is often in the form of questions that allow me a glimpse of how amazing her brain is.

The other day, while I was taking her to school, the following:

Her: Did you ever realize that, if everyone just followed the rules, there would be no drama in the world?

Me: You are SO right!

We then, giggling, ran through the zebra crossing while stepping only on the black stripes, just because, and I felt light and giddy and free of concerns about the year ahead in that moment.

Over the edge

Frances has a very dry sense of humour that appears at really funny times.

For example, every weekend, she and I have a sleepover: we usually camp out in a fort in the living room, watch a movie and eat popcorn.

Recently, my bed was the site of the sleepover, and I found myself often teetering on the edge about to fall off because she kept moving closer and pushing me. I even fell over once.

When I mentioned this to Frances, she simply said, β€œWell, they say if you love something, you should let it go.”

So, she was letting me go over the edge?

πŸ˜‚